Why, hello there. Welcome to my blog. Starting to write one of these things is kinda like being told to be funny. It’s almost as though you get talent constipation as soon as the demand is forced upon you. I mean, I’m not saying that my writing is demanded by the public, but when you try out of no where you just get kind of, well, blocked up.
Comparing writers block to a bowel condition. Great start.
A little bit about me: My name is Vanessa Jean Johnston (although my email right now says Gruchy.. pronounced like ‘sushi’, just so you know). No, I don’t suffer from mutliple personality disorder, I just got married and haven’t gotten around to changing my name on everything yet.
I did, however, make it so far as to take a trip to AMA to get my name changed on my driver’s license. The whole endeavor took about 2 hours and I left feeling demoralized. In the interim, however, I told the little girl atop the high chair behind the counter my new name. ‘Vanessa Jean Johnston’, says I, proudly.
There was a moment’s pause. Her pen stopped moving on the form she was filling out. She slowly looked up to meet my eyes and said ‘So your initials are VJJ? Like a vagina? That’s really quite sad for you, don’t you think?”
Demoralized by the AMA 18-year old atop a high chair. Awesome.
Yes, I do have initals that pair up with the popular nick name for the female sex organ. And I own it. I meant the nickname, but really, since I’m a girl, that was kind of a multi-purpose statement, I guess.
Anyhow, I just got married. and he’s the raddest guy around. His name is Kevin and he got me with his zombie shirt. Well, it was a little more then just his zombie shirt, but the zombie shirt helps. You must know the shirt I’m talking about: the one that says on the front ‘ask me about my zombie shirt’. Then you pull it up over your head and there’s a zombie head where your face would be. If you haven’t, get it. It’s a classic. And a guaranteed chick magnet (I’m now flooded with mental images of guys in bars pulling their shirts up over their heads for women. sorry, ladies). He wore it to work and didn’t pull his shirt up because he didn’t want me to think he was showing off. I was conduting a safety audit at the time and had never met him before. A little over a year later we were married.
Zombie shirts are the new roofie.
For a living, I’m a health and safety manager for a very awesome company in Edmonton, AB, although I’m hoping to transition into a different role soon. I’ve been doing this H&S gig for about 8 years now and, although it had its perks, I need a change of pace. I’m currently enrolled in school chasing a degree in Journalism, so I’m hoping that works out. Working full time and going to school truly sucks but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. That’s a part of the life of VJJ. .
See what I did there?! That was one of those moments from a cheesy movie when they say the name of the movie IN the movie so you’ll really be able to connect with why they call it that. And usually someone points out ‘they just said the name of the movie!’ when you’re watching it in a group. Then you feel a strange mix of feeling bad for your friend for obviously lacking the ‘subtleness’ gene, and for the movie itself because, really, that’s kind of lame.
The basic overview about what this site will be about is just pretty much whatever I want to talk about. I’m open to suggestions.
For example, there has been a pressing question on my mind for quite some times in regards to the mating of Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger. I’m a mix between grossed out as if I were watching a calf being born, and kind of thinking ‘Well, that makes sense’. But more on the calf being born side of things.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about Canadian musicians “making it”, just not necessarily with each other. ESPECIALLY those two. She went from Derek Webley to Brody Jenner to CHAD KROEGER? Has he gotten so many DUI’s that he needs a designated driver now? It seems like a production of ‘Wag the Dog’ proportion (havent seen that flick? Check it out. It’s great).
And full props to Deryck Webley and his buddy dressing up as AvAd for Halloween. That sh*t’s just really funny.
Wait, I just googled how to spell Chad Kroeger’s last name (turns out it’s like the US grocery store, not like the striped turtle-neck wearing Freddie who gets you when you sleep). that was his ‘model girlfriend’ dressed up like Mr. Grocery Store. YIKES!!! the calf has two sex organs!!! The calf has two sex organs!!!
And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, that’s it for me for now. I’m going to work on snazzing this site up a bit to help make it more visually appealing. Maybe I’ll actually get some followers. Not in the ‘stare in through my windows at 4 in the morning’ or parking a van with tinted windows and sign that says ‘Free Puppies for all who enter’ sign on the door (I DO love puppies!) sense, either.